Delta Quadrant Fever: Operation Mermaid Paradox
by Wexamillion Major
Summary: On this episode of Delta Quadrant Fever, the Captain and Stan must go back to Glowerhaven Island of Earth's Atlantic Ocean in 1989 to find out why a girl named Saraphine Wittle is trying to kill a Mermaid named Ariel and take her place in history. But things don't necessarily go as planned, as if it's some sort of wicked game Bridges of Madison County Kumbaya they're playing...
1. The Dream & Opening Sequence

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing…

[There was a Top-Secret Mission during the 3-Month Tour of Solemn Duty that was deemed the most strangest of all missions… It was called Operation Mermaid Paradox]

Space can seem so cold and so lonely, right? Well, that's what I thought when I was traveling through the Delta Quadrant aboard the _Voyager_ all that time (even during the 3-Month Tour of Solemn Duty in 2007). I figured that the Caretaker as a freaking' Coyote was wrong about "_Finding your Soulmate_" shit, by God was I wrong… It all started when _Voyager _was traveling to B'omar space to dump some sludge during the 3-Month Tour of Solemn Duty in 2007, when I had experienced a time-travel mission like no other called… Operation Mermaid Paradox…

Anyway, like I was saying, there was this mysterious nightmare rattling through my head:

Capt. Wex: "[dreaming] No… no, no… GET OUTTA THERE!…"

This dream involves a pretty girl singing… singing like this:

Mysterious Girl: "[singing] Ohhaaaahhhohhaahaaaah"

Then some evil voice pressures her:

Evil Voice: "KEEP SINGING!"

Then some ghostly hands appear and swirl around her.

Capt. Wex: "[faintly] NO…STOP…STOP…"

But one of the hands goes inside her mouth and "pulls" her voice out while the other hand holds her waist. Then the next thing I remember, her glowing voice was being stored into a storage device of some kind. When it was being stored, it was exploding like that battleship on R-Type Final… Then I wake up screaming:

Capt. Wex: "[screaming] HAAAH!"

I was brushing my face off for some damn reason I couldn't remember. Then I sighed and began to wonder:

Capt. Wex: "Computer, what in the Hell's the time?"

Computer: "Exactly 0222 Hours, Captain."

Capt. Wex: "Great! Well, I guess I'd better shake the dew of the lily… after I talk to Moe that is."

So then I get up and start heading to the Voyager Lounge. Meanwhile, Morris "Moe" Syzslak is trying to hang himself… again!:

Morris Syzslak: "Geez, if I figured it would take this long, I would have put on a T.V."

Then some pizza guy comes in:

Pizza Guy: "Pizza Delivery for Morris Syzslak!"

Moe: "Your money's on the counter. No Tip."

Pizza Guy: "Ah, you miserable bastard… All I wanted was a damn good Tip and I get jack squat!"

Moe: "That's why I'm up here."

Then I talk to him:

Capt. Wex: "Moe?"

Moe: "Oh, Wex… It's not what you think it is!"

Capt. Wex: "I'm not concerned about that, Moe."

Then Moe cuts the rope and comes down:

Moe: "OK, then what the Hell's up?"

It kinda shocked him:

Capt. Wex: "It's about that damn dream I keep having."

Moe: "Are you sure?"

Capt. Wex: "Yes, I'm sure!"

_Opening Sequence_

As an upbeat rock version of the Star Trek: Voyager theme begins to play, we see _Voyager _emerge from the Nekrit Expanse unscathed and gets ready to initiate her warp drive. Within 3 or 4 seconds or so, she goes to warp:

_Delta Quadrant Fever_

Then we see _Voyager _fly through dense nebula fog:

_Based on Star Trek created by Gene Roddenberry_

_Joe Bost as Captain Wexamillion Major_

_Edward Furlong as Stan Marsh_

_Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson_

Then _Voyager_ flies over some icy asteroid of some kind:

_Garth Marenghi as Jonas Zebeth_

Then _Voyager _flies through a starship graveyard and goes to warp again:

_Hugh Laurie as LMH Dr. Gregory House_

_Kevin McKidd as Dan Vasser_

Then _Voyager_ flies over a planet's ring:

_Jeri Ryan as Annika Hansen_

Then finally, _Voyager_ begins to initiate the Quantum Slipstream at a nearby planet and warps out.

_Created by Joe Bost_

_End Opening Sequence_


	2. Bridge Conversation & Toxic Dump-Off

Now it's nearly 0500 Hours, and I still hadn't got a good night's sleep because of that stupid nightmare of that poor girl's voice being put into a storage device that's been happening for the past two weeks (damn, that smarts!)... Just recently, about a couple of weeks ago, I and the gallant crew of _Voyager_ had just committed genocide on an evil race known as the TimeSplitters because they were pulling a major faux pas on us by bringing the damaged wreck of _Enterprise-D_ back to life and using it against us in the Void. And what's worse, is that these TimeSplitters are the same assholes that caused terrorist attacks in System J-25 shortly before we committed the genocide. On top of that, I was vacationing at the Nekrit Expanse Casino and Hotel in, get this, the Nekrit Expanse. Although I lost most (if not all) of my money gambling and I didn't get the part-time job to help pay off the hours that the place was losing. Well no matter, I still got my crew to fall back on. Besides, I'm trying to deal with this retarded nightmare and all... So where was I, oh yeah, still worried about what happened after my visit with Moe? Well simple, I shook the dew of the lily, showered up a bit, and headed over to the Bridge to regather my composure and maybe set up a Staff Meeting:

[I walk onto the Bridge]

Homer Jebidiah Simpson: "Good morning Sleeping Beauty, eh?"

Capt. Wex: "Yeah, you wish!"

Homer: "Uh, Wex, are you sure you're all right? 'Cause I think you've been acting kinda squirrely for the past 2 weeks- -"

Capt. Wex: "Yeah, yeah, I know."

Homer: "Then what the hell's going on then?"

Capt. Wex: "Oh, it's this damn nightmare... The one where the girl's voice is stolen and gets put into a storage device of some kind!"

Homer: "Oohh... I see... Would this also have to do with the dream about my ex-wife Marge stealing the Forbidden Doughnut from me in my sleep?"

Capt. Wex: "Hell no, nothing like that."

Homer: "D'oh!"

[Then Homer's son, Bartelmos (formerly Bartholomew) "Cool Mo-D" J. Simpson comes barging in on the Bridge...half-naked from being in a shower!]

Bartelmos J. Simpson: "My, God! That crewman's an asshole!"

Homer: "[sighing] Who is it this time?"

Bart: "Crewman Dax, he stole my shower from me for the sixth time!"

Capt. Wex: "Hang on, Bart, we'll take care of him! Bridge to Bender."

[We cut to the Voyager Lounge, in which in the background _These Dreams_ by Heart plays in the background and Bender Bending Rodriguez is sipping on a White Mocha Frappuccino]

Bender Bending Rodriguez: "Bender here, go ahead."

Capt. Wex: "[on Intercom] When we dump our sludge at B'omar Space today, I want you to dispose of Crewman Dax, capiche?"

Bender: "10-4! Bender out."

Oh I forgot to mention earlier that we had to dump some toxic waste over at B'omar Space because some crew member was celebrating some kid's birthday by making glow-in-the-dark noses via toxic waste maker on Deck 15. I gave the guy two options: either A., we dump the waste for him or B., bribe us with $500 to keep it on my ship. So he chose to have us dump it for him. As for Dax, well, you'll get the picture:

Bender: "All right, B'omarians, You've met your match! Hehehehehe..."

[The waste get dumped from above the moon where _USS Raven_ crashed after it got assimilated by the Borg. Then Dax gets dumped down there and gets mistaken for a Moon Mutant]

B'omar Officer: "Hey, get back underground, weirdie. No mutants on the surface!"

Crewman Dax: "But I'm not a mutant! And secondly, they ruined my reputation!"

Bender: "[on Combadge] Dude, that reputation was ruined the minute you went down there! Now that's what I'm talking about."


	3. Staff Meeting & The Investigation

While dumping toxic waste on the planet where _S.S. Raven_ and her crew were assimilated by the Borg years ago in B'Omar Space, I head over to LMH (Longterm Medical Hologram) Dr. Gregory House's Office in Sick Bay to try and get a fix on what kind of nightmare it is.

Capt. Wex: So what kind of nightmare do you think it is, Doc?

LMH (Longterm Medical Hologram) Dr. Gregory House: Well, let me see? Uhm. [thinks for a second] This could be a case of your True Love or someone similar calling to you or...Do you know anybody who's voice's stolen?

Capt. Wex: Well, uh, not really? OH WAIT! I take that back. I kinda know someone. But I don't know her name right off the bat.

House: Well, OK then. It seems it could be that you're fantasizing about True Love or could be a case of some Damsel-In-Distress Paradox. I'll have Spencer do a brain scan for any sign of "paradoxes."

Capt. Wex: Sounds good. Thanks Doc!

Then about an hour later, my brain scan was complete.

Spencer [British accent]: We scanned your brain, Captain, and we found high levels of chroniton in your hippocampus.

Capt. Wex: Oh shit. OK then, I'll rally up a staff meeting starting now!

Now it's 1000 Hours and I rally up my crew for an Emergency Conference:

[the crew murmuring distinctly]

Capt. Wex: Good morning, guys. You're all here because of a certain problem that was once localized in your very Captain now is spreading like a virus: the nightmare where someone's voice is pulled out and put into some kind of storage device.

Someone raises her hand (who happens to be Head Counselor Annika Hansen, formerly Seven of Nine, whom I was having an affair with during the 3-Month Tour)...

Capt. Wex: Yes, Annika? I see we have a question.

Annika Hansen: I didn't experience a nightmare like that! I...oh wait a minute, I did. And it was Chakotay, not you like I thought it would be.

Capt. Wex: That's OK, Doll, I'm pretty sure that you- - Wait a minute? How do you know about Chakotay? He's been dead for 12 years, ever since Caretaker's displacement wave killed him and his Maquis crew.

Annika: I don't know, he just popped in there!

Capt. Wex: You mean like a temporal displacement of a memory of a person you've never met?

Annika: Yeah, something like that.

Capt. Wex: That's something that Dr. House found in my brain scan this morning. In my hippocampus area of my brain, he found high levels of chroniton in there!

[the staff act surprised]

Capt. Wex: That's right! And I think that you guys experienced that as well; experienced a temporal displacement memory of someone you hardly knew.

Homer: Or something.

Capt. Wex: Like what?

Homer: The Forbidden Donut.

Capt. Wex: Uh, Homer? How the hell does that fit in?

Homer: My ex-wife, Marge, stole it from me and put it into a lunchbox of some k- -

Capt. Wex: I thought so! Anyway, I'd like some suggestions of what to do about these nightmares. Any ideas?

They think for a moment, then someone (Junior Counselor Topanga Matthews, wife of Cory Matthews) found an idea:

Topanga Matthews: Why don't we contact the Ullians?

Capt. Wex: Nah, Topanga, that wouldn't work because they are in Federation space in the Alpha and Beta Quadrants, remember?

Topanga: Oh. OK.

Then somebody else interjects:

Commander Stanley Dawson Marsh: How about the Dream Species?

Capt. Wex [puzzled]: The Dream Species?

Stan: Yeah, at the Window of Dreams nebula!

Capt. Wex: Oh yeah, those guys! That sounds like a helluva good idea!

Lieutenant Commander Joseph Korso: Yeah, if you wanna count fucking sheep!

Capt. Wex: Who asked you to interfere, Joe? And besides, your job is to handle our Quantum Slipstream and other Engineering stuff, not giving ideas to commit genocide on races like the Drejj!

Korso: Or even the TimeSplitters, in which you wiped out?

Capt. Wex: Oh shit, you have me there. But still, your job is all that Engineering jargon downstairs, capisci?

Korso: Uh, yeah!

Capt. Wex: Good then. I say that this Staff Meeting is adjourned; AND MR. ZEBETH?

Then there is my trusted Geemer alien, Jonas:

Lieutenant Commander Jonas Geemer Zebeth [educated Garth Marenghi accent]: Yes, sir?

Capt. Wex: Set course for the Window of Dreams, Quantum Slipstream Drive!

Jonas: 10-4!

So now we use the Quantum Slipstream that the Species 116 guy who reminded me of Steve Guttenberg gave us as a Christmas present to help us get Home during the 4 Year Tour of Journey back in the '90s when _Voyager_ was lost in the Delta Quadrant for, you get the idea, 4 years! Anyway, we arrived at the Window of Dreams in a matter of 15 minutes (that's the amount of time that you'd save money on your car insurance, if you use Geico that is!)! Upon arrival, not much has changed from the last visit in 1998, when we were just passing through and all of the suddenly, our ship gets rocked by 'cosmic waves', our dreams get invaded and find out that the Dream Species were investigating us to see if we were as bad as the Borg, as it turned out, we weren't and carried on. But they praised us to return, and so we did: during the 3-Month Tour of Solemn Duty (the last round-up of the original members of the Here & Now Gang back on the _Voyager Saddle_ one last time). So anyway, I arrive there, the crew is undoubtedly waiting for my next move...so is a War Wasp named Zeebo Lucien Sanchez:

Lieutenant Commander Zeebo Lucien Sanchez [some kind of Todd Rivers accent]: Shall I open a channel to them, Cap'?

I paused for a moment, not being sure if I wanna go forward with this, until...

Capt. Wex: Yeah, Sanch, go on ahead.

[Sanch punches in the hailing frequencies, channel opens]

Sanch: Channel's open, Cap'.

Capt. Wex: This is the Starship _Voyager_, Captain Wex Major in command. Are you guys glad to have me back?

Then the screen pops up, revealing a member of the Dream Species, Aragon (who kinda reminds me of Qui-Gon Jinn a little bit), in a dream-like world...

Aragon [Qui-Gon Jinn, or Peyton Westlake-like accent]: This is Aragon, the ambassadorial liasion between your ship and our Dream Species.

Capt. Wex: You don't mean the Aragon from Lord of the Rings?

Aragon: Not precisely, but I'm the one who can help people's dreams and/or analyze them if their dreams or nightmares have special qualities.

Capt. Wex: Good, I want you to analyze this nightmare I've been having for 2 weeks. It's about this girl's voice being pulled out and put into a storage device, think your up to it?

Aragon [not fazed]: Come on, Captain, I thought you had a challenge for me! Sure, I'll do it. It'll take no more than an hour to analyze the dream. Aragon out.

Then we wait for an hour of sweat and strife...


	4. Preparing the Way

_Captain's Log Stardate 20078.09_

_After experiencing a strange nightmare before heading over to B'omar Space to dump toxic waste earlier this morning, we went to the Window of Dreams to have the Dream Species analyze the dream to get a clear heading on what's going on. So far, it's in the process of being analyzed!_

After a long hour of sweat and strife, the dream's analysis is complete, thank God!

[hailing channel opens]

Aragon: Captain, you're dream has been analyzed. And we found out that this dream has time travel qualities. Qualities that we haven't seen since the Temporal Cold War!

Capt. Wex [puzzled]: What kind of qualities?

Aragon: Like a subliminal message from a different timeline.

Capt. Wex [paused for a moment]: Oh, uh...OK! Can you download it to my ship's Chronometrics Lab?

Aragon: Will do, Captain! Aragon out.

[screen changes to the view of the Window of Dreams]

So then I punch in the intercom and call for a top-notch Chronometrics Officer, who happens to have Post-Journeyman Stress Disorder, which happens to be a condition where he travels through time at some various points of his life:

Capt. Wex: Bridge to Mr. Vasser.

Lieutenant Commander Daniel Vasser [answers intercom with combadge]: Vasser here.

Capt. Wex: Meet me in the Chronometrics Lab on Deck 12, I've got a Special Pet Project for you. And Stan, you have the Bridge.

Stan: Roger that, Cap'!

Ah yes, the Chronometrics Lab, AKA The Time Travel Lab, where anything to do with Temporal Physics and all that time travel jargon lies in this very lab. It kind of looks similar to the _Enterprise-D's_ last Stellar Cartography screen (kind of) but with uprated equipment. Right now, I and Dan are investigating the dream that the Dream Species analyzed for us by first playing back on the Chronometric Viewer.

Vasser: Well, Captain, here's the dream.

[the dream is shown in QuickTime format, of course]

Capt. Wex: Play it.

Vasser: Aye, sir. Playing it now.

The video plays, not much has changed, the dream is still the same, the girl's voice is still stolen and it still is being put in that Nautilus-shaped storage device. But then we get a big break on this investigation, I start to recollect on what the girl's face looks like, but still can't remember the girl's name:

Capt. Wex [pondering]: Mr. Vasser, rewind!

[Vasser rewinds to the beginning]

Capt. Wex: Now, perform a Chroniton Image Sweep on the girl's face in Video Grid 9-A!

For all those who don't know what a Chroniton Image Sweep is, pay close attention: it's like a total clean-up and refurbishing of an image or video (kinda like Adobe Photoshop or Adobe Premiere, per se) to the point where that image or video is not so blurry and comes in crystal clear like having 20/20 vision after having Lasik eye surgery done. This is one of the only times that I ever did a Chroniton Image Sweep, the other time was two weeks prior when we found the _Enterprise-D_ reconstructed and intact; but I didn't believe that the _Enterprise-D_ could build itself back together after being destroyed at Veridian III in 1994, so I went and did a Chroniton Image Sweep on the ship and found traces of chronitons and particle synthesis on the ship's hull, resulting in the machination of the TimeSplitters before we wiped them out clean. Anyway, he performed it, and when he played it back again, I was numbing and kind of trembling with the realization that her face was recognizable (she reminded me of that teenage daughter from the Bill Engvall Show, or like that Tiffany Maxwell from that Silver Linings Playbook movie I saw years later), thus remembering her name (I can't imagine why)!

Capt. Wex [realizing]: I think I know her name now!

Vasser: Captain, are you alright?

Capt. Wex: Mr. Vasser, I feel better than ever! Look up any information we have on a girl named Saraphine Wittle, and make it a double!

Vasser: 10-4, sir!

Then I and Stan head over to my quarters for investigating this girl named Saraphine Wittle, and why she's invading my dreams...

Stan: According to the VCARS Database, Saraphine Wittle was a Milaca Elementary School drop-out as of early 2002 before sixth grade graduation took place.

In case your wondering what VCARS (Voyager Computer Access And Retrieval System) is, it's an uprated version of LCARS that was installed into _Voyager's_ computer network shortly before the 3-Month Tour, and it's more advanced (but easy-and-simple-to-use version of LCARS) than LCARS and when combined with Bio-Neural Circuitry, it's a formidable database and computer system to date.

Capt. Wex [whistles]: Well, too bad for her, huh?

Stan: That's not all, she also "supposedly" traveled back in time to kill the Mermaid named Ariel and- -

Capt. Wex: Wait a minute, Stan! You mean the Mermaid Ariel who married a prince from Glowerhaven Island named Eric Worcestershire to become the ambassadorial liasion between Humans and Merpeople in the late 1980s?

Stan: Yep, you've got that right!

Capt. Wex: Damn. What the hell possessed her to take out Ariel for?

Stan: To take her place in history.

I think for a minute. But it all the suddenly becomes clear to me...it was time for an Away Mission; and not just any Away Mission, but a time travel one...

Capt. Wex: When was Ariel whacked?

Stan: She was supposedly whacked by Saraphine in mid-September of '89. Why?

Capt. Wex: 'Cause we gotta go back in time to stop her from altering the history between Humans and Merpeople and from altering the history of our crew and the Delta Quadrant!

Stan: How the hell are we gonna do that?

Capt. Wex: We go to the Northwest Passage. I hereby decree that this mission is named Operation Mermaid Paradox! And to christen this expedition, we'll use the chroniton warhead we stole from the Krenim in the _Delta Flyer_ to fire it into a quantum singularity to travel back in time! Now, let's move! [slaps his combadge] Mr. Zebeth, set course for the Northwest Passage, Quantum Slipstream Drive!

Jonas: You've got it Cap'!

Then _Voyager's_ warp drive wings raise up and the ship engages in Quantum Slipstream Drive to head over to the Northwest Passage to begin this new Away Mission. But before their arrival, I and some of my crew gather in the Shuttlebay to see what's gonna go down:

Annika: Now, we've installed the chroniton warhead into the _Delta Flyer's _torpedo tube and set the time travel coordinates on the keypad, but the bad thing is that when it detonates upon impact, you'll have only a matter of 30 seconds to get your asses in there and fix the past.

Capt. Wex: Thanks, Doll! Now, I've packed a regiment of supplies and the like, but I'll need Stan to come with me, in case if something goes wrong and that I can't make it back in time!

Stan: Oh sweet!

Homer: Aw, why can't you just take me? I'm your best friend!

Capt. Wex: I know that. I just picked Stan because he's an expert on chronometrics.

[Homer winks at him, puzzled]

Capt. Wex: You know, the science of time travel!

Homer: Oh. I see. Can you bring back any souvenirs?

Capt. Wex: Yes, Homer, I'm pretty sure that I'll bring back some souvenirs.

Homer: WHOO!

Capt. Wex: Anyway, guys, let's get this show on the road! Stan, you come with me, and Homer you have the Bridge.

Homer: WHOO! I GET TO HAVE THE BRIDGE!

Lieutenant Commander Eric Theodore Cartman: Oh...my...God!

So now, I and Stan jump into the _Delta Flyer_ and begin our mission...

Capt. Wex: Shuttlebay Control, this is the _Delta Flyer_. Requesting permission to depart.

Shuttlebay Control: This is Control, _Delta Flyer_, request permission to depart granted. 30 seconds till the doors open.

Stan: Clearing all moorings.

[Stan flips the mooring swtches]

Capt. Wex: Roger that, Stan. As soon as the doors open, engage the engines at one-quarter impulse power and head out to an area in the Passage where there's as much quantum singularities as possible.

Stan: 10-4.

Shuttlebay Control: All moorings clear, now opening the Shuttlebay doors. Good luck, Captain and Mr. Marsh!

Now, we were on our way to find the right quantum singularity to fire the chroniton warhead and travel through that time portal. I was the pilot while Stan was at other stations (imagine that!).

Capt. Wex: Are the coordinates set to September 9th, 1989, in the Atlantic Ocean on Earth, Stan?

Stan: The coordinates are all set and ready to go, Cap'!

But then disaster strikes: Krenim operatives and rogue Species 8472 scouts arrive.

Sanch [on _Delta Flyer_ speaker]: CAPTAIN! WE'VE PICKED UP KRENIM WARSHIPS AND 8472 SCOUT VESSELS AND THEY'RE HEADING YOUR WAY! WATCH OUT!

[Erwin Beekveld's _"They're Taking The Hobbits To Isengard"_ plays in the background]

Capt. Wex [not fazed]: Not to worry, Sanch. Just keep 'em off our backs for a few minutes, will ya?

[now we shift over to Bridge]

Sanch: Will do, Captain! Now what, Homer?

Homer: OK, now, Sanch, take over the Tactical Station and fire a full weapons spread, phaser, transphasic torpedo and all!

Sanch: No problemo, Homie!

So while they deal with them aboard _Voyager_, Stan and I aboard the _Delta Flyer_ find a quantum singluarity (the right one, I hoped) to fire the warhead and travel through time.

Capt. Wex: Found one yet?

Stan: Not yet Cap- -

[the ship gets hit]

Stan: Oh, God, Captain, we're- -

Capt. Wex: WE'RE NOT HIT! WE'RE NOT HIT, STAN! STOP SIDE-SEAT DRIVING!

Stan: OK! But can we at least switch places?

Capt. Wex: Oh, alright. Getting space-sick, I see?

Stan: Yep!

So then we switch places: I get to fly the _Delta Flyer_, while Stan handles the rest of the controls (Engineering, Ops and all). Then a Krenim Captain named Vorgos appears on the _Delta Flyer_ cockpit screen.

Vorgos [yelling, obviously!]: AHHH! GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING WARHEAD!

Capt. Wex: Look, Vorgos, we can settle this peacefully or the Hard Way, your choice!

Vorgos: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING BULLSHIT WHAT YOU THINK, WEX! YOU BURN ME, I BURN YOU!

Capt. Wex: Oh wow, Vorgos, did you ever back the wrong horse! Stan, cook him up, please?

Stan: One transphasic torpedo comin' right up, Cap'!

Capt. Wex: Fire!

One good thing about the _Delta Flyer III_ is that them damn Federation engineers installed a rear torpedo tube in case if certain situations get out of whack like this one! Anyway, just one shot from a transphasic torpedo and...

[the Krenim ship explodes like that Branch Davidian compound at Waco, Texas]

And the quarterback is _toast_! Anyway, we find a quantum singularity and...

Stan: I've got one, Cap'!

Capt. Wex: Good. Let's get the launcher ready!

Then we prime the launcher, which is attached to the Ops console like a B-2 Stealth Bomber launcher keypad. And the launcher reads 00:30 Seconds.

Capt. Wex: Fire the warhead!

Stan: COMINGTOYEAHAAAA!

Then we fire the chroniton warhead. At first glance, it looked like a dark blue transphasic torpedo on steroids, but it was still a beautiful sight, nevertheless. Anyway, upon impact, it turned the singularity into a portal like that Yu-Gi-Oh card, the Mystical Space Typhoon, it was an even more beautiful sight. Then the timer on the keypad counted down from the 30-second mark...

Stan: Ya think ya can get us in there in 30 seconds?

Capt. Wex: I AIN'T HEARD THE FAT LADY SING YET!

Stan: Forget the Fat Lady, you're obsessed with the Fat Lady, Wex. Just get us the hell in there!

So I fly straight for the portal then I felt a shudder from an 8472 scout ship firing their stupid beam, but luckily, the multi-adaptive shielding was holding. _Voyager's_ firing weapons spreads, the other ships are shooting at us, the odds are kinda against us until...

Stan: Cap'! The portal's- -

Capt. Wex: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Stan: Must go faster, must go faster, must go faster. Go, go, go ,go go, go, GO!

So I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and initiate the _Delta Flyer's_ afterburners, hoping to make it in there before the portal closes up for good. But then in the nick of time, we make it in there with 1 second to go as the portal collapses and the vessels get destroyed by _Voyager_, and our Away Mission: Operation Mermaid Paradox, begins!

Capt. Wex: OH, ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

Stan [impersonating Elvis]: Oh, thank you very much! Oh, I love you, bro!

[Wex and Stan are shaking hands and celebrating like Christmastime]

Meanwhile, aboard _Voyager_:

Homer: They made it through! WHOO!

Jonas: Now, all we do is...pray!


	5. Operation Mermaid Paradox: Day 1

Now, the mission, christened as Operation Mermaid Paradox, was finally underway. We exit the time portal to Earth's Atlantic Ocean in September 9th, 1989, sunny, 1630 Hours Glowerhaven Daylight Time. Now we come across a goofy drunken seagull named Scuttle. Now Scuttle claims to know so much about humans that he had a PhD. in Sociology, but trouble is, he's an illiterate oaf. Why, you ask? Well, for example: one time when Ariel and her ocean sunfish (I think that's who he is!) friend named Flounder was exploring a shipwreck, they found two items. Scuttle named one of the items a dinglehopper, something, as he put it, that humans use to straighten their hair out. That's not a dinglehopper, it's a freaking fork for christ's sakes! And that's not what humans use their forks for, they use a fork for food like lasagna, pancakes, or like...I don't know, uh, mashed potatoes, steak, pot stickers...I could go on and on, but you probably want to hear about that second item, right? Well, anyway, that second item, he claims he hasn't seen in years, is a banded, bulbous thing called a snarfblatt. The snarfblatt, he claims, dates back to prehistoric times when humans used to sit around and stare at each other all day. So he claims that they invented the snarfblatt to make fine music. Whoa, stop there! That's not a snarfblatt, that's a freaking pipe you smoke with for crying out loud! Now, I'm not totally sure if we humans invented music during the prehistoric times, but I do know that music has been around for many eons (that's a helluva long time). Anyway, Scuttle's doing something goofy like Joe Dirt or someone similar, until the portal opens up and scares the hell out of Scuttle:

[portal opens up, the _Delta Flyer_ exits the portal, the portal closes up]

Capt. Wex [on speakers]: Don't be alarmed, Scuttle, we're just, uh, on a mission.

Stan [on speakers]: Yeah, on a mission.

Capt. Wex [on speakers]: So carry on, Scuttle, don't worry about us, capisci? Anyway, see ya on the flip side.

[the _Delta Flyer_ flies away]

Scuttle [some goofy Buddy Hackett accent]: HOLY FREAKING GULLCRACKERS! THERE BE ALIENS HERE!

[He hides in his tent, scared shitless]

_Away Mission Log Stardate 19899.09_

_We have arrived at the target destination of September 9th of 1989 (aka this stardate) near Glowerhaven Island in Earth's Atlantic Ocean. According to the VCARS Database, Glowerhaven Island is a joint government establishment between U.S., British and Portuguese governments. Although it's primary government function is a monarchy, they sometimes have a democratic election every now and then. Also according to the VCARS Database, it's located somewhere near the Azores. We're concentrating our search for the chronometric signature that will tell us if history is about to be altered there. So far, we haven't had any luck looking for this "signature."_

Now, it's nearly 1700 Hours Glowerhaven Time, and the _Delta Flyer's_ on silent running, and cruising on the calm ocean, going at only 50 or 60 knots, we all of the suddenly get an absurd idea to pass the time:

Capt. Wex: Stan, do we still have the Temporal Party Barge?

Stan: Uh, yeah, it's stored in an Holodeck Object Cube. Why?

In case you're wondering what Holodeck Object Cube is, it's a type of cube where you can store objects in. From anything small like a pack of Winston cigarettes and a flea, to anything huge like starships and shuttlecraft and of course: the Temporal Party Barge. The Temporal Party Barge was a present to Stan Marsh by the Temporal Integrity Commission in the 29th Century when he stopped Capt. Braxton of the _U.S.S. Relativity_ from planting a temporal disruptor underneath _Voyager_ before her maiden voyage of 4 years (i.e. the 4-Year Tour of Journey). The barge consists of portals where partygoers of all eras (especially cavemen) can enter and exit as they wish. It also has these dance floors that are totally futuristic, but the strobe and lights still remain the same as they did back during 1970s disco era, but it's still awesome. The exterior is kind of reminiscent to the space cruiseliner _Titanic_ from Doctor Who when the Tenth Doctor tried to stop that Max cyborg from crashing the _Titanic _onto Earth with some kind of subatomic reactor with enough power to destroy an entire planet like the _Death Star_ for instance. Anyway, my response:

Capt. Wex: 'Cause we're gonna get freaky and party for the rest of the night!

Stan: But Cap', what about the mission?

Capt. Wex: Ah, not to worry, Stan, we'll have plenty of time to look for that damn signature later. But now, LET'S PARTY!

Stan: YEAHAAA!

Now we go underwater, where the Merpeople live (obviously!). And we come past the Atlantica DMZ (Demilitarized Zone), a fine-line border circling Atlantica where if Ursula or other threats try to enter their city, the Demilitarized Zone is where King Triton comes in and subdues them with his Trident. According to the VCARS Database, the Trident is a pitch-fork like weapon that can shoot powerful shots of polaron energy when used in combination with the Sea Crown (or some way, it works). Anyway, we see this Mermaid with purple fins swimming from two structures that look like a gate of some kind. Could it be a Temporal Conduit that Saraphine used to travel back in time? Maybe. Right now, she's traveling with a Jamaican Crab who writes and conducts symphonies like if he was the John Williams of the Sea named Horatio Sebastian:

Horatio Felonius Ignacious Crusteacous Sebastian [Jamaican accent]: Now, Saraphine, since you're new in town, I'm gonna show you the inner workings of- -

"Saraphine" [Jennifer Lawrence-like voice]: What do you suppose that is?

She swims up to the surface, Sebastian follows...

Sebastian [chasing Saraphine]: Saraphine? SARAPHINE?

She makes it to the surface, she then sees the party barge and witnesses fireworks, strobe lights and the like. She also see's the _Delta Flyer_ parked on the helipad of the barge. Saraphine has a little giggle or two. Then Sebastian makes it up to the surface.

Sebastian: Saraphine, what are you- - [gasps] _Jumping jellyfish_!

[Saraphine swims over to the party barge, clearly defying Sebastian's orders]

Sebastian: SARAPHINE, PLEASE COME BACK!

[As Saraphine gets closer, she hears Ginuwine's _"Pony"_ playing throughout the barge]

So she gets closer to the barge, grabs onto a rope and climbs up to the peephole and sees me alone, enjoying the view after I partied rock hard. Then Scuttle comes into the picture, somehow...

Scuttle [flying]: HEY SARAPHINE, QUITE A SHOW, EH?

Saraphine: Quiet, Scuttle, they'll fucking hear you!

Scuttle: Oh, yeah!

[So Scuttle finally lands, next to Saraphine]

Scuttle: This could be quite an interpretation. WE'RE OUT TO DISCOVER- -

[Saraphine snaps his mouth shut]

Saraphine: I'd never seen a handsome guy like him this close before! He's totally freaking handsome, isn't he, Scuttle?

Scuttle [puzzled]: Uh, I don't know, he looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me!

Saraphine: Not the dog, you idiot! The one who's looking out to the sea, right above to us.

Scuttle [now realizing]: Oh, I see.

I'm looking out into the ocean. Why? Well, simple: I'm thinking that settling down with Annika Hansen is kind of a bad idea like crossing proton pack streams to destroy an evil force (of course when I say proton packs, I mean what the Ghostbusters use) and send it back to where it came from. So then Stan comes in the picture and decides to talk to me. And I'm wondering what's that huge-ass thing under that cloth:

[Now the music changes to Filter/The Crystal Method's _"(Can't You) Trip Like I Do"_ and as before with _"Pony"_, it plays throught the barge]

Stan: Oh, Wex, before we start to look for the signature, I have something for you.

Capt. Wex: What are you up to?

Stan: Oh, nothin'. It's just a present.

Capt. Wex: What do you mean a present?

Stan: Well, I couldn't afford to buy you anything, so I made you one.

Capt. Wex: Oh, thanks, pal! And you know something, Stan, it's the thought that counts. And besides, if you make my present, that makes it all the more special!

Stan: OK, then, happy early birthday, Wex!

[Stan pulls back the cloth to reveal a Godly statue of Capt. Wex in a classic Lorne Greene pose from Battlestar Galactica]

When he pulled back that cloth, I just gave that statue of me a scowl (or a dirty look, if you so prefer) and was wondering: _"What in God's green earth was he thinking by making this statue of me for?"_ But I held back the criticism and just simply said:

Capt. Wex: Uh [chuckles a little bit], gee, uh, Stan, it's, uh, it's one helluva something!

Stan: Yeah, I had this bad boy in primo condition and commissioned it myself. But, of course, I'd hoped it would be a _wedding present_ someday!

Capt. Wex: Ah, come on, Stan, don't you even start that shit with me! You're still not sore like an asshole 'cause I'm not falling for Annika Hansen, are you?

[Capt. Wex tosses an antique spyglass to Stan, upon which it nearly slips out of his hands, but he succeeds in catching it]

Stan: Oh, Wex, it's not just me, man, I mean, the whole ship wants you to happily settle down with the right girl, don't ya know?

[Wex scoffs and looks out to the ocean again]

Stan: I mean, come on, man! You've got Annika Hansen, wanna settle down for a change?

Capt. Wex: It's my life, OK?

Stan: Just a little loyalty right now would be nice, that's all.

Capt. Wex: Like what? Settling down with Annika Hansen would make me less of the man I once was during the Glory Days?

Stan: Well...if you put it that way, then yes, it does.

Then a caveman named Adam comes up from the dance floor downstairs:

"Adam": Hey guys, Tina's here, we're getting back together!

Stan: HEY! Give us a minute! [Stan turns back to Wex, as Adam leaves] Well?

Capt. Wex: Well, Stan, I know she's out there in the universe somewhere. I just...haven't found her yet, that's all.

Stan: Well, perhaps, you haven't been looking hard enough, bro.

Capt. Wex: Oh, believe you me, Stan, when I find her, I'll know. I mean without a doubt, it'll suddenly hit me in the face, like KABOOM! Like a storm of sorts!

Stan: Speaking of, check that out.

[Stan points out to the ocean and sees a strange flash of multi-color lightning and thunder]

Capt. Wex: Oh, _shit_!

Now, it seems that a chroniton storm appears over the ocean, with hurricane force winds to accompany the chroniton storm. In case you don't know what a chroniton storm is, then listen up! A chroniton storm is an energetic occurrence at the temporal/subatomic level. It can sometimes rip the fabric of the space/time continuum to a point, but it won't destroy it, just roll through it like if it was a regular thunderstorm or hurricane of sorts. So basically, point being, it's like a hurricane on steroids. When inside a chroniton storm, it looks like the Nexus energy ribbon, with all that lightning flashing inside. The only way to survive a chroniton storm is to have a ship equipped with temporal shielding, or otherwise, you'll be toast. But have humans survived it without temporal shielding? Maybe once, and that was a miracle. It was 29th Century Temporal Integrity Commission Captain Braxton when he was on a Temporal Away Mission during the Temporal Cold War to deal with a handful of Xindi assholes and they unleashed a chroniton storm on his ship: the _Aeon_ and he fell out of his ship when the storm got the best of him, but he survived somehow and defeated them with the assistance of the crew of the NX Class vessel, _Enterprise_. So anyway, we see the storm, and someone panics like Wreck-It Ralph when he went _turbo_ in a Halo-like arcade game:

Some Guy: HURRICANE A-COMING!

Capt. Wex: THAT'S NOT A HURRICANE, YOU DUMB-ASS! IT'S A FREAKING CHRONITON STORM!

Some Guy: GET OUT FAST! SHUT DOWN THE PARTY BARGE!

So then everybody panics, trying to get out of the party barge:

One Partygoer: EVERYBODY, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!

[Everybody scrambles, trying to get out]

Mr. Potato Head [Martin Lawrence-like voice]: Where's my ear? Where's my ear? Did any of you see my ear?

Mr. Rex [Wallace Shawn-like voice]: Ahh, alright, HERE I GO! HERE I GO! [smacks into the exit] Ahh! [he makes through the portal]

Scuttle [holding on with his dear life]: WHOA! SARAPHINE, THAT WIND IS-A DEFINITELY ON THE MOVE HERE! [he gets blown off the rope] YO! [he's blown with the wind] SARAPHIIIIIINE!

So then me and Stan hop back into the _Delta Flyer_ and take off as everybody left the party barge and Stan restores the party barge into a Holodeck Object Cube.

Capt. Wex: OK, Stan, you flying?

Stan: Damn skippy, I am!

Capt. Wex: I just sure as hell hope that the temporal shielding is working or else we'll be goners and it'll be one helluva short trip. OK, Stan, punch it!

So we proceed to 'ride out the storm'! We enter, and the ship gets rocked by all of the sheering forces of the storm (of course). And the shield holds, while the ship shakes and rattles from the forces of the storm. But then, disaster strikes, a lighting flash knocks out one of the temporal shielding arrays on the port bow, causing it to go down by little over a half of percentage:

Computer: Temporal shielding down 39%

Capt. Wex: Damn! Looks like I'll have to go out there and fix the array.

Stan: Captain, ARE YOU COCO INSANE?! You might die out there, or worse!

Capt. Wex: Don't worry about me, Stan, I can fix it! And besides, this storm's not so tough. I think I can take it! Now, Stan, open that damn hatch!

Stan: Oh, alright! But if you die out here, I'm not gonna be held liable, capisci?

Capt. Wex: Yeah, I'm down with that.

Stan: OK. Now be careful out there!

Stan opens the hatch, and it's windy, stormy (temporally speaking) and the whole nine yards. But I brave it out there and try to fix the shielding array. I did an adjustment here and a scraping there with my Craftsman multi-tool with a built-in arc-wielder and after that, a huge spark flew and the shield is back online.

Stan [chuckles in cheer]: YOU DID IT, CAP'!

Then I tried to reach for the hatch, but then disaster strikes, _again_!

Stan: BE CAREFUL, CAPTAIN! YOU DON'T WANNA GET STRUCK BY CHRONITON LIGHTNING!

[A bolt of chroniton lightning strikes on the _Delta Flyer_, causing Wex to fall onto the ocean below]

Stan: WEX! [confused for a minute] Ah, shit! I gotta find Glowerhaven Island and land this damn thing!

So here I go, falling off the _Delta Flyer_ like a huge raindrop on an endless vista of ocean (Like that one planet in the Delta Quadrant I visited years ago during the Tour of Journey.)! My life was flashing before my eyes, I thought I was done for and was gonna die (and then _maybe_ go on to the road to Sto-Vo-Kor, the Klingon afterlife.). But when I fell into the ocean, I passed out from my near-death experience (no, I didn't die, thank God!) and was pulled up to the surface by a passing Mermaid. Could she be Saraphine? Or somebody else? I didn't know until the morning after, when the storm passed and supposedly brought me back on dry land (i.e. Glowerhaven Island, I just didn't know it.). Although I was knocked out, I kinda heard her and Scuttle trying to figure out if I was dead or alive:

Saraphine: Is he...dead, Scuttle?

[Scuttle opens Wex's eyelid, looking for any signs of consciousness]

Scuttle [kind of losing hope]: It's hard to say.

Then I feel Scuttle checking my left foot for any kind of pulse. Seriously, check my left foot for a pulse?! Was that seagull on crack or LSD or something? That's not how you check anyone for a pulse! You either check on the arm somewhere or the neck. But the foot, you gotta be shitting me?! How the hell did he get his smarts on humans? Well, I don't know, let's just carry on:

Scuttle [loses his optimism instantly]: Oh, I'm sorry Saraphine. I can't make out a pulse or a heartbeat.

Then I start to wake up. Slowly, but surely:

Saraphine: No, wait a minute, Scuttle, he's waking up! He's so heavenly handsome...

Then she sang that Vanessa Carlton hit song with an angelic voice I'll never forget:

Saraphine [a la Vanessa Carlton]: If I could fall...Into the sky...

[Sebastian and Flounder arrive on shore]

Saraphine [a la Vanessa Carlton]: Do you think time...Would pass me byyyy...

[Sebastian's jaw drops, but then Scuttle brings it back up]

Saraphine [a la Vanessa Carlton]: 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles [Wex looks sleepily at her and smiles at her] If I could just see you..._tonight._

I was starting to wake up, but everything was all blurry and dream-like and had no idea if I was dead, or dreaming, or just sleepy. But when she sang that song and I saw her for the first time, she kinda reminded me of another girl I saw in the Hunger Games named Katniss Everdeen, but thrice more hotter; she had red hair like winter fire (kinda like January embers, for instance; my heart burns there too!), and her voice was angelic (maybe even better than Ariel's, I think!) like if she came down from Heaven and became a legendary performer of some sorts! Man, it felt good. But I knew I had a mission to accomplish, to stop a girl named Saraphine Wittle from killing Ariel and taking her place in history. And right then and there, I'd figured that time was running out and that I needed to get my ass up and moving to complete this mission. Anyway, a dog starts licking me and I totally wake up now:

Prince Eric Worcestershire: MAX, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! QUIT MONKEYING AROUND WITH THEM DAMN CRAZY PEOPLE!

[Max licks Wex, then returns to the prince]

Then when I wake up, I start coughing and hacking out sea water out of my system like how Charlie Barkin did in New Orleans in 1939 when he returned to Earth from his time in Heaven, or like how I did back in 1993 when Willy the Orca saved my life from drowning. Then after gasping for air and smashing water out of my old-fashioned pocket watch (in which after a few smashes on the beach floor, the watch ticks again and works in perfect working order). And then after a few gasps of air I suddenly say:

Capt. Wex: Ah, I'm alive!

Then Stan comes up out of the blue...

Stan: Captain?

Wex [jumps in surprise]: Jesus Christ, Stan! What the hell you're trying to do? Give me a heart attack?

Stan: You need to have a heart before you can have an attack, Captain. Are ya OK? 'Cause last night, you fell out of- -

Capt. Wex: Yeah, I know.

Stan: So how the hell you get on dry land last night?

Capt. Wex [gets up, stands kind of wobbly]: A woman...rescued me! She was so damn beautiful. She even had the most angelic voice I've ever heard while she singing that Vanessa Carlton hit _A Thousand Miles_!

[Wex nearly falls, but Stan catches him]

Stan: Uh, Cap', I think you swallowed some sea water. [Stan carries Wex while walking on the beach floor] Now, I parked the _Delta Flyer_ on a rock near Glowerhaven Beach and I cloaked it to make sure nobody here on Glowerhaven Island would panic at the sight of a futuristic Starfleet shuttlecraft mistaken for an alien craft from the future or something like that!

Capt. Wex [chortles a little bit]: Yeah, and if the frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass!

[Both Stan and Wex laugh a little bit and walk over to the cloaked _Delta Flyer_]

So I and Stan walk over to the cloaked _Delta Flyer_ on that beach rock on Glowerhaven Island, and prepare to find that chronometric signature in which is the focal point of which time gets altered. Before we go any further, I gotta tell you how the _Delta Flyer_ got the cloaking device: shortly before the 3-Month Tour, a starfleet engineer who worked on developing _U.S.S. Prometheus_ when it was still experimental in 1996 had a spare cloaking device he confiscated from Romulan Tal Shiar agents during a skirmish with them in 2002. So he decided to install the spare cloaking device into the _Delta Flyer_ for the 3-Month Tour and decided to put it to good use. Needless to say, it worked like a charm (especially in situations like this when the denizens of Glowerhaven are always gazing out to the ocean)! So anyway, Saraphine layed next to a beach rock and gazed at me and Stan as we walked over to the _Delta Flyer_ (unbeknownst to me). But then Sebastian decided to get a few words in:

Sebastian: We just wanna forget that this forbidden thing ever happened. What the Sea King won't know won't hurt him, right? [looks at Flounder] You won't tell him, I won't tell him. I shall forever stay in one piece!

Then Saraphine decided to sing that Vanessa Carlton hit song again, except without me noticing and with the wind blowing her hair and...stuff:

Saraphine [a la Vanessa Carlton]: If I could fall...Into the sky...Do you think time...Would pass...us byyy...

Then she just let herself out:

Saraphine [a la Vanessa Carlton]: CAUSE YOU KNOW I'D WALK A THOUSAND MILES IF I COULD JUST...see you...[she goes silent a little bit] If I could just...hold yoooou...[a wave crashes] TONIGHT [holds the note]!

[piano instrumentals for Vanessa Carlton's _"A Thousand Miles"_ play in the background, and then ends after a mere 11 seconds]

Then there are two electric eels named Flotsam and Jetsam, faithful servants of a Sea Witch named Ursula for over 20-some years after she found nearly dead in the Sargasso Sea from malnutrition and neglect from other eels. Anyway, they decided to join Ursula as she lures unsuspecting Merfolk victims into her lair which is, ironically, the ruins of the _Titanic_ (after she went down in 1912) and her nerve center of her lair, is, frankly, where the Butabaker state room once was! Weird, isn't it? Well, anyway, Ursula has the kind of spells and enchantments to say, for example, turn a fugly Mermaid into a sexy Mermaid and get her Merman. Or turn a skinny-as-a-toothpick Merdude into a hunk. But the subject of payment was that if they didn't kiss the other Merperson of their dreams, they would lose their enchantment or spell and become some kind of creature and would belong to Ursula _forever_! And another thing about Ursula is that she's the oldest of the two daughters who have a woman's body with octopus legs. The youngest was Morgana, who got neglected by her older sister and was treated like an outcast (even after King Triton kicked both Ursula and her out of Atlantica)! Well, enough said about her, but I can tell you now that the two eels are being the eyes, ears, and maybe voice, for Ursula in case she can't watch over unsuspecting victims like how she's watching Saraphine now:

Ursula [some snobby accent]: Oh, good God, no, no, no, no, no! I can't stand it. It's all too easy! The new Mermaid On The Block is in love with a human. And not just any human, A STARSHIP CAPTAIN FROM THE FUTURE! [chortles] Oh, Triton will love that! Atlantica's headstrong, lovesick New Mermaid On The Block...would make a charming addition to my little garden!

But before she could laugh, she's gets an uninvited visitor:

Mysterious Figure [some evil and ragged, deep bass voice]: Ursula, your time is up!

Ursula: No, wait, Kosovo, I- -

[Kosovo raises his bony finger and it turns into a stabbing weapon like the T-1000 and kills Ursula by stabbing her brain, spreading blood all over the state room]

Kosovo: Now, find the two eels and absorb them.

Two Strange-Looking Creatures [Darth Vader-like voices]: Yes, my master.

Now, the two eels finish their work, not knowing that their master has been killed by a being named Kosovo. On the way there, Flotsam tries getting a school of fish by zapping them, but he fails:

Flotsam [some British accent]: Ah, damn it!

Jetsam [some British or Australian accent]: What, what is it, Flotsam?

Flotsam: I never get a fish, I never get anything!

Jetsam: Aw, Flotsam, why don't I order some Chinese food?

Flotsam: Oh, I don't know...

Jetsam: Let's get some chinese...

[Jetsam grabs out a AT&T headset and automatically dials a number, then the number picks up]

Chinese Fast Food Guy [on the phone]: Hello? Hong Kong Phooey's?

Jetsam: Hello, I'd like to have, oh, what you do you think? Um, 50 pounds of kung pao chicken.

Flotsam: Oh, that's good!

Jetsam: Uh, 30 pot stickers, and one order of scallion pancakes. [turns to Flotsam] Fried rice?

[Flotsam nods]

Jetsam: And 5 tons of fried rice.

Fast Food Guy: Cash or charge?

Jetsam: Cash or charge? It's um...hang on. [turns to Flotsam] We're just gonna fry his ass when he gets here, right?

Flotsam: Yeah.

Jetsam: OK, it's cash then. Thanks, bye.

[Jetsam automatically hangs up]

Headset: Thank you for using AT&T.

Jetsam: Now, let's go home.

Flotsam: Before something else happens to us!

But then those two strange-looking creatures that look like eels appear and subdue the eels and takes on their victims' forms, replacing the original eels.


End file.
